If you understood that post I just posted, thank you. That is what it is like inside my brain. I come up with weird shit that nobody in my life has yet to understand.

My brain is digging out old memories of us. I don’t want it to. I put those memories in a box, locked the box, wrapped the box up in chains & locks then through the keys. My brain found the keys. Now, it’s proceeding to open the box of memories to torture me. I don’t like this memories for many reasons. One reason being is that they are about you. I thought I was over with you a long time ago. I had planned to never see or speak to you again. I guess you didn’t like that because you decide to randomly talk to me at my most worst times. It’s not just any kind of talk, though. It’s a talk that I have to read between the lines, decode. It’s a talk saying you miss me, and that’s what’s killing me. My brain likes this while my heart does not. My heart is confused about what to do. It wants to move on, but my brain doesn’t want. My brain wants to stay with you and all the memories. It refuses to let go of the box. You start ignoring me after our talk. I’m going insane again. Here comes my brain with the box of memories to kill my heart and I. I was happy. Now, I’m not. You made me happy when I was sad. Then you start to ignore me and that made me go insane. I acted normal on the outside, while on the inside I was a crazy, delusional girl. My brain has now convinced my heart it wants you, but I, myself, does not want you because I know you will just hurt me again. It’s a never ended chain of hurt. You make me seem like you like me, I believe you. You make me seem like you hate me. I believe you. It goes on and on and on. I don’t think it will stop. My heart has now made a decision to stop listening to my brain. My heart is now happy without you. My brain is still sad because it wants you. My brain knows you understand me like nobody else could, but my heart knows you will just hurt me again. I wish I could just get rid of the box. I wish I could just have never met you. But then where would I be? I would be incomplete because that box might somehow be a part of me. That box makes me sickly insane, but I think without that box I wouldn’t be me. So, I will let my brain torture my heart and I because I think this is what completes me.

You have this moment. This moment you knew was coming you just didn’t know when. You think everything is all fine & dandy then the moment comes. The moment where somebody gives you the worst news you could ever imagine. You don’t know what to do with yourself so you just stand there numb. Then all the emotions go through you: hate, anger, depression, confusion, but since they are all going through you at once your body just breaks down into slump of crying. You don’t want to be touched, talked, or comforted by anyone except one person: the person you love or the person who the bad news was about. Sometimes the person is the both. When that moment comes, it hurts. It just doesn’t like a brush burn or a little heart break, it hurts a hell of a lot more. When that moment comes, you won’t know. It will hit you when you are at your strongest and bring you down to your weakest point. It will take your perfect life and make it a living, crying, depression. Yes, you will get over the bad news, but you will never know how long & how much struggle it will take out of you. Just beware of the moment.

I’m not your fucking charity case.